This. 

"If you're crying, it means there's still something inside. It means it still means something to you." - Sim Jia Yuan

Ever heard of this quote, "Some things are better left unspoken"? I agree, but not entirely. I guess now I have a better understanding of why people lie. It's because some people cannot accept the truth. The truth hurts sometimes doesn't it? That's why people lie. And when some people tell the truth, they sometimes end up getting ostracized. Why? Do people really love to hear lies? What if one day the truth comes out? Wouldn't it be worse? What if the truth is so obvious but we're all living a lie? Why are some people like that? I'm not a super strong person who can take the truth, but I appreciate it if people do tell me the truth instead of lying to my face. (No reference to anybody in particular) I typed all those things above because I suddenly thought about this while peeing in the toilet. And it all makes sense to me now.

I am grateful to have some friends (you know who you are) who has always been there for me and who still believe in our friendship when I was on the verge of giving up on everything. I was honestly 99.9% close to giving up on everything because I thought, what's the point? But then some people made me still have hope. These few people made me feel that there's still hope in mankind. I shan't mention names, they know who they are. Cleared and talked about a lot of things during the bus ride. It was a pleasant journey. Haven't had that kind of talk for a long long time.

Firstly, I need to fix my ego. Secondly, I wish sometimes you meant what you said. Well of course, it isn't that easy. I know you tried but my ego is too big. But really, you're so much happier without me anyways. Look at that smile on your face. Look at those pictures. Look at everything. I'm like a hat. You wear it when you need it. But what are the odds that you'll ever NEED to wear a hat? Not many people wear hats anyway. Yes, my mentality has been set that way and I don't think it's gonna change anytime soon. Also, you don't have any loss. In fact, by losing our friendship, you gained another one. I wish nothing but the best for you xx

I would like to end this post by wishing Winnie Tan Li Qing a very Happy Birthday :)

Enjoy your day, love.

xoxo

Leaving for Malacca in a few hours time. Mixed feelings. Feel excited yet nervous. I wish it was Penang trip with my WWSS netball girls instead. It's just different. At that time, I was super excited. I knew for certain that I would definitely have a great time over there with such a lovely group of girls. Now... I just hope I'll have a good time :) Will be back on Sunday, don't miss me too much...*krik krik*

xoxo

This.so.fucking.much.

Hello readers. Today is Sunday. I went out with Tiqah to accompany her to get something at Clementi Mall. After that we went back to JP and ate at Ayam Penyet Ria. First time I ate there and felt so freaking full. I'm serious. Then we walked around and I got myself a pair of iron man earphones omg so happy it's so cute! I also bought a nike sports bra hahaha (L) Walked around for a bit while eating pretzels that bought from Auntie Anne's. Went home after that. I am supposed to do work today, like study yknow... but I couldn't. No motivation at all.

And oh my, it's been so long since I did a proper post. I feel so weird. Hahaha. Oh well, that's all I guess? Goodnight my dear reader.

xoxo

"Mirror on the wall, here we are again. Through my rise and fall, you've been my only friend. You told me that they can understand the man I am, so why are we here talking to each other again?"

I am sick. Shall go see the doctor tomorrow. Asked if anybody wanted to accompany me but haven't found anybody yet. Thanks for the 'get well soon' wishes though. Throat hurts like fuck. And I'm hurting real badly. Both inside and outside. Oh well.....

Oh and I didn't study at the airport ystd lol. Went to send the India kids off and then we went to eat at Simpang Bedok. We = me, naz, nurul, syahmi and hairul. Had fun though :)

kbye

I feel real down right now. Not the right way to feel before a major exam. Wish something or somebody could cheer me up.

(Y) one Jay. HAHA. Siva, maintain. Love your lips. HAHA k enough.

Oh well let's see... So, O's finally here. Gonna have my O Level Science Practical tomorrow. Quite excited but very much nervous! Hope everything goes well :) Then, on the 24th, O level officially starts. English paper. Kinda scared cos I really don't want to get below a B4. Then Maths...... But I can't wait to get everything over and done with! A little bit more. Have to press on, I can do this.

Been really really sick. Seriously wrong timing, damn it. Oh well. And I said this before but I'm gonna say it again, I feel like disappearing. But where do I go? K anyway, studying alone at the airport tomorrow cause I wanna send Sahara off for her India Trip^^ Reminds me of my China trip :) Great memories... Okay stop it. Don't wanna get emotional. Chey just kidding. Sigh..............

That's all for today, xx

This bitch up here sent me a very aww-ing text today. Can't help but to smile when I read it <3

To whom it may concern, don't be demoralized by your results. At the end of the day, it's only EOY. Remember where you're working towards. O levels. Speaking of which, my papers start next week. It means that O's will be over before I know it, Alhamdulilah :) I think I will use the time I have after O's to really find myself. Recently I've been lost and I don't know anybody knows because I don't show it. I won't show it. But today, it has come to a point when I'm asking myself, "What am I living for?" No, this is not some suicidal thought but when I think through, I can't find the answer. People have their own dreams, and I am so happy for them but me? I do, have dreams. But my dreams...I don't think I'll ever reach it. I've no talent and no amount of make up can fix this ugly face. No, I ain't doing surgery. Sigh sigh sigh.

I need to be around people I love to be happy.

Right now, I feel worse than a bag of crap and I'm gutted that I can't do anything about it. Reason being, I just don't know how to...

Check out my boyz~ Hahaha. So today I had to wake up like super early to go to school to take a P. Geography Mock Test. It went pretty well cuz I could do all ze questions just that I didn't have time to finish. That sucks. Oh well. It's Human Geography, a topic I really like. Hope I scored well for ze Mock Test or else I will cry. Chey no la. Today I was planning on doing POA intensive for myself but it failed because I was not in the right mind to do so. Suddenly became very angsty, very pissed, very upset. The feeling's just overwhelming. I couldn't understand why I was feeling that way but I know that it was because of my own thoughts. I kept having flashbacks of ze past and I really didn't want to rmb them. And I felt like I was stabbed like multiple times on the back and on my heart. I just felt really really hurt. But it was shortlived. Thank god. Had really amazing people cheering me up. Thank you guys, I really appreciate it <3 Thank you very much for understanding me. I felt a lot better after talking to you people. Felt even more better reading Tiqah's blog. Smiled like an idiot. I love you <3

I wish I can just erase you from my memory. It's not that I'm not over you. It just hurts. You and perhaps most of you reading this right now will never understand. Only a handful would. Your presence kills me, really. It just reminds me of the past. Why did it even happen? I'm not gonna put the blame on anybody but I really hate you. Hate you for all the things you said and did. And it's a shame how some find it hard to understand my predicament. Oh well.

I did enjoy a little bit of today though. Watched Kal Ho Na Ho and cried my heart out. It's been a long time since I did that. Picture this.. me alone in the living room sitting infront of the tv, hugging my pillow and wailing like a little child. Not really a pleasant view I must say. But it's really very sad and touching. I like <3

Okay, I guess that's all for the day.

I'm tired of everything, I swear.

Night people, xoxo